Jurrassic World- SPOILER ALERT version

SPOILER WARNING. This is not for people who haven’t seen the film.

I’ve already written my spoiler free version here


A lot of people are enjoying Jurassic World and that’s cool. If you are someone who went in and loved the film. It made you, feel like a kid again. That’s fine, but know that it didn’t work for me.  If you want high praise of the movie, then look elsewhere.

For the record, I didn’t hate the movie, nor did I love it. I expected more from a Jurassic Park movie for some reason. Not like the previous sequels should have justified any hope.  I do consider this film the second best Jurassic Park movie made.

Positive- the opening scene with the mutant dinosaur being hatched is pretty creepy and cool. I liked that.


1- What kind of parents send their two children ages 16 and under to a park where years earlier things went horribly wrong and the majority of people died by dinosaur? There is at least one public incident reported, and likely two more incidents on record where dinosaurs got loose and ate people if not on that exact island or nearby.  Who sends there kids unsupervised to that kind of place? Then you joke about “If something chases you. Run!” That’s not funny! A lot of people died. You don’t make jokes about the Titanic, do you? (Maybe this is the kind of mother that does.)

I’d get it a lot more if it was a big holiday vacation with the family, but two kids alone? Epic fail for the parents.

Yes, there were kids in the original film going on an untested tour featuring dinosaurs, but at least there were no public incidents to make people unsettled. Plus, those kids were going to see their loving  grandfather, John Hammond. A man who clearly loved his grandchildren.

In Jurassic World, these parents leave the kids in the untested hands of a cold and emotionally distant sister. A person who lives solely to make profit with little care for the creatures she creates. I wouldn’t send my dog to be watched by her for a weekend, let alone my children.

Now as for that sister the kids went to “stay with” named Claire. She leaves the kids in the supervision of one of the most incompetent and irritating assistants possible.  It was 15 minutes into the movie and I wanted all the characters over 18 years of age to be eaten. (Thankfully for the most part I got my wish.)

The beautiful thing about the original movie was that I actually cared about most of the people in it. If they died, I’d be upset and when some of them did die, I felt bad.  Every single person in this movie who died had it coming.

Let’s go to Indominus Rex, the mutant sociopath of a dinosaur.

You create a monster dinosaur and raise it from day one as if it were a psychotic. All the signs point to this creature being highly intelligent and dangerous, but you insist on hanging on to it because it would be good for business. I get that. you are part of the cold machine that is the business world, you need to increase profits. However, if you can spend millions to create this monster, then you can spend a bit more to try and make its captivity a bit less hostile.

Even though you have access to a guy, Owen, who respects and understands dinosaurs better than most. You refuse to use him during the creation of this monsters habitat. Then when things go wrong, you refuse to listen to him despite the fact that he is completely correct. From the first time he witnesses what Jurassic World has been doing with this dinosaur, he knows things are in a bad way. Put your petty issues with the man aside and do your job correctly.

Positive: I really enjoyed Chris Pratt’s character named Owen. He was easily the most likable character in the movie.  Also, while I’ve been ripping apart Claire, I think her development as a character was well done. You see her go from corporate sheep to someone with emotion and guts. I really liked that aspect in the movie.

Speaking of serial killers in the making, lets talk about the 16 year-old kid named Zach. He is emotionless for a good chunk of the movie. His own lovely girlfriend says a heartwarming goodbye and he is apathetic.  Most of the time at the park he stares at other young women. When his little brother his distressed over a serious issue about their parents getting divorced, he tells him to grow up.  What an ass!

I know he is 16, but how about having some compassion or emotion.  He is from a well off family that is sending him on a vacation of a lifetime, he has a girlfriend who adores him. Life doesn’t seem to be all that awful for this kid. Yes, his parents are getting divorced, and that’s a lousy situation.  However, as an older sibling, when your younger brother (Gray) is upset about the situation, you don’t try to comfort him and then instantly bash him for not “growing up”. What a douche.

Also, you are 16 and unless you are a complete idiot, you know about the troubled past of this park. When things go wrong and they are calling the rides to return to their station, you decide a better idea is to go off road for a joy ride. I get it, you are rebellious, but also incredibly stupid. (Yeah, putting them in peril is good for the plot, but there are a lot smarter ways to go about it and they failed!)

Positive- Zach is not without redeeming qualities.  When things go wrong, he finally becomes the big brother he should have been all along. He becomes clever and resourceful. (However, what’s with the phones not working throughout the park, and the use of 20-year-old gasoline to start a jeep?). I like that Zach finally shows that he is human and cares about his younger brother Gray.  They became two people with the same goal which was survival.

As for Gray, he was pretty annoying from start to finish, but he is at an age where I can just accept that. He is really smart, but it feels like they didn’t use that to the movie’s advantage. Use his smarts a bit more to survive.

Tim and Lexx Murphy from the original film were annoying as well, but I felt they had some endearing qualities that these kids lacked through much of the film.  The two siblings did bicker and fight, but there were like normal siblings.

I felt awful for Gray throughout the whole movie. Being with his douchebag brother, upset that his parents are getting divorce. So much intelligence and so much energy, but not having the ability to do much with it.

The most ridiculous character of all was Hoskins played by Vincent D’onofrio.  Everything that came out of his mouth was borderline sociopathic garbage. He was the military intelligence guy lacking all intelligence.  His plan to weaponize dinosaurs was ridiculous. He never figured out that his plan was idiotic even when all his previous plans fell apart.  Thankfully, one of the raptors showed mercy on me and took him out. So, he won’t be in the sequel.

With the exception of Chris Pratt, the overall acting and scriptwriting for this movie was atrocious.  The one-liners were so bad I felt like I was watching a bad 1990’s action movie.

The worst had to be Irrfan Khan as Simon Masrani who had the cheesiest line in the whole film,  That entire second helicopter seen was just stupid. The acting by Khan in his final moments was some of the worst acting I’ve seen all year and then some.  Overall, Khan’s role was decent, but that last scene.  (Also, the Syfy movie type kills with the flying dinosaurs were pathetic for a blockbuster film.)

Oh yes, this film tries to be funny, but it fails big time.  For me, the humor seemed out-of-place and awkward.  The humor is forced out of characters who are poorly developed. Not based on their realistic interaction with one another.  The humor was so bad at times it took me out of the movie.  Like, it made me stop and shake my head in dismay.

Positive- most of the actions scenes with Indominus Rex were scary or intense. I liked a lot of that action. The whole camouflage thing was incredibly cool.

The final fight scene was heavily borrowed from previous Jurassic Park films. I wanted something new, but it gave me something rehashed instead. We had three raptors and the old Tyrannosaurus from the first film battle it out against Indominus Rex

That being said, the overall quality of the fight was pretty cool.  It was a nice finish (Though the raptor giving Owen the nod and attacking was a bit childish.) This was supposed to be a children’s film or not? I feel like it couldn’t tell what it was. Far too violent to be for young kids, but the humor was certainly directed towards them. The characters were often as complex as your average 12 year-old kid.

I grew up loving dinosaurs. Dinosaurs and Sharks were my life through the first ten years of my life.   I thought the first film was balanced well. You had the majestic side of dinosaurs, the whole reason someone would make that kind of park a reality. Then you have the dangerous side of dinosaurs. You get both respect and terror from Jurassic Park.  Meanwhile in Jurassic World the movie is all terror.

The film failed in all aspects of realism. The science was more BS than I’ve ever seen. The laws of physics and….reality don’t really apply. The majority of the dinosaurs which were actually just animals, but they acted like monsters. Animals are not monsters. (That stupid assistants death was way too over-the-top as well.)  I didn’t want a down to earth realistic movie, but also didn’t want Fast and Furious with dinosaurs and that’s ultimately what I got.

Also, I found the whole petting/riding dinosaur zoo to be cruel. (I know the dinosaurs are either GGI or machine, but the idea was unpleasant for me to watch in action. )

So to recap


The film had some nice actions scenes. Much of the CGI looks really good.

Claire and Zach evolve as characters as the movie progresses.

Owen was awesome from the start. (Chris Pratt effect)

The Indominus Rex was rightfully terrifying. It was clever and brutal.

The Raptors had personality more than ever before. That was awesome.

The multi-dinosaur fight at the end of the film was quite amazing.

Owen and his raptors riding into the hunt for Indominus Rex was a great scene.

They Deep Blue Sea it at the end of the film.


The CGI wasn’t always crisp. The use of more practical effects would have helped.

The script was bad and many of the characters were shallow cartoon characters come to life.

The acting at times was horrid (Nobody knew how to fake a good cry in this film.)

The deaths were numerous, but often cheesy. (Sometimes Syfyesque)

I felt the humor was forced, the one-liners were awful. (Think Batman and Robin (1997) bad.)

The movie threw away much of the concept of the original film, but did borrow heavily on the action of previous films. Almost bit by bit.  You like it because it reminds you of the original film, not something you’ve not seen before.

There was no heart, not much emotion, and no wonder or magic in this film.

Complete lack of realism.  It was Fast and Furious with dinosaurs eating people.

The movie is very predictable. You know who is going to die and who is going to live from the start.



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